new year, new shoes

Here comes my annual new years post, where I reflect, but also make resolutions (which I hardly ever keep) and just start the year off fresh.

2016, you have been wonderful, full of quite a few highs, and only some lows. NGL this year has been particularly drama free. Only one particular event which happened before Easter where we finally decided someone just wasn’t worth our time anymore, and then after that moment, literally no drama for the rest of the year. It has been a very chill year!

This was my first year of University, and let me tell you this, was it an experience that I’ll never forget. My tightest group of friends who I made mainly through college (high school) but also some from intermediate were separated, so we all weren’t going to the same university, nor did we all stay in Auckland, and we also all did different degrees. So this called for making friends, which btw first thing I learnt this year, I am terrible at making friends.

I became more self conscious of what people thought of me, and personally, sometimes I’m too 150% Vanessa, and I need to chill in front of strangers or they’ll never like me, because I come across as too crazy or awkward or just not a person to be friends with. *and this is where I start randomly placing goals for next year* I want to work on my self awareness, when I say this I mean work on thinking about others before myself, and also thinking about what I say before I say it. Hopefully this makes me a bit more social, right?

Oh and with University, comes the daunting moment of your grades. Second thing I learnt this year, you cannot use the same studying habits from college. This will not help you unless you are an absolute genius. I let myself down this year with my grades, but it’s also due to me working 30 hours a week because I’m an idiot. P.S don’t work more than 15 hours a week. It is never a good idea, at all. I want to work on my grades next year, I want to get my GPA up, because at this rate, I’ll never get a job because of how competitive accounting is.

If you wanted more context about my now drama free life, here comes another life tip! Negative people do not need to make your life negative also. Just accept that their friendship is just not worth it anymore, and let them go. You don’t need to create an argument and let that end your friendship, all you need to do is to just stop starting any interaction, and if they don’t make any effort to start with you, then you already know where you stand with them.

img_20170101_160329

So you guys may be confused by the title, but now is the time where it starts to make more sense. As you may see, I have a pair of black converse, which are very old. These shoes have been with me all through my final year of college, my first year of uni, and in and out of Auckland on my overseas adventures. These shoes are my life. But they’ve been needing to be replaced for about a year now, and only now have I gotten round to replacing them. I’ve thought long and hard about why it’s been so hard for me to replace them, and I’ve realised, it’s not because of the cost as I work too much and can actually afford them, but it’s the memories that these shoes hold that I feel like I’ve only just gotten the courage to let go.

As stated before, these shoes carried me through year 13, and let me tell you, that was one hell of a year. I went from having a big group of friends, to having my squad of 5. I realised who my true friends were.

These were also the shoes I wore on my first date, and also the shoes I wore when I had my first kiss. Which thinking about now, since it all didn’t work out, I thought it was a memory I wanted to repress, but I learnt from that mistake, but I also feel like I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if that never happened. So I will remember that awkward moment forever, even though I will re-iterate the awkwardness.

And finally, these shoes carried me through my first year at University, and I feel like I’ve already explained that so you get the idea now.

So here I am, the start of a new year, feeling like I need a completely fresh start, hence the new shoes. Me throwing my shoes away, doesn’t mean I’m throwing all the memories away, but more me moving on from the past, and heading towards the future. I think I’ve finally learnt from the many mistakes I’ve made, but that doesn’t mean that 2017 won’t be filled with mistakes because believe me, I will make heaps of mistakes, but that is what makes me human.

To conclude, I hope you all have the best year yet! 2017, will be my year!

-V

http://www.instagram.com/autumnNessa

06.09.16

*procrastinating*

HEY 🙂 how are you today? I have 2 tests next week that I am yet to start studying for and I thought LOL let’s procrastinate more! But I thought I’d fill you guys in on my trip to WELLINGTON!

So I took a 3 day 2 night trip to Welly (short for Wellington), and it convinced me that I want to move down there. The way I’d describe it is, good coffee, good shops, everything is very walkable, people are lovely, the streets are CLEAN, food is SO REASONABLY PRICED, the city is big enough for me to not miss Auckland (as in it has a big personality with all the nicely designed shops and stuff) and only an hour flight away from Auckland! So it only took like 48 hours for Welly to show itself off and to make me fall in love with them!

SO DAY 1: We flew down nice and early (k m s) but this gave us heaps of time on the first day! We went shopping, visited the waterfront, rode on a crocodile bike (v touristy but v much fun!!) to Oriental Bay and took the Cable Car up to the Botanic Gardens.

Beach Huts

The BEAUTIFUL beach huts along the waterfront! (We also may have had a tiny photoshoot in front of them lol)

Crocodile Bike

The v touristy crocodile bikes! Which btw are absolutely hilarious to ride on! Especially when you don’t really know how to break HAHAHHA.

IMG_2457

The view from the top of the Cable Car.

And that was pretty much day 1! We also had dinner then went back to the hotel for some Rosé and chocolate 🙂

DAY 2: Another BEAUTIFUL SUNNY DAY! We went to visit Parliament and went on the free guided tour, which wasn’t the most exciting but one of those ‘If you go to Welly you have to do this!’ things. Did more shopping, more walking, then visited Te Papa! Which btw if you didn’t know is the National Museum and is absolutely spectacular! Free entry and all of the exhibits are very interactive and just amazing! Then went back to the hotel and made plans to go out but I didn’t make it haha (1 too many on an empty stomach oooooops).

The Beehive

This is the ‘Beehive’ which is one of New Zealand’s Parliament buildings!

Then came the sad Day 3: Home time 😦

We only had about an hour till we had to fly out so we just walked to the waterfront one last time, and had gelato and then flew back home 😦 LUCKILY THOUGH! The weather started turning to shit on our last day so we missed the rain! We were BLESSED with beautiful sunshine and minimal wind! Welly is known for its wind and we missed it! Which is much more of a blessing tbh.

Plane

Just a typical plane photo lol but what a beaut world we live in ❤

PRETTY MUCH WHAT I WANT YOU TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS POST IS, VISIT WELLINGTON, IT IS A BEAUTIFUL CITY AND I WANT TO GO BACK ❤

If you made it this far, I congratulate you! 😀

Thanks!!

-V

http://www.instagram.com/autumnNessa

 

 

30.08.16

*currently too excited to sleep*

But in 9 hours I’ll be on HOLIDAY! Well not really holiday but like a small 2 day trip to Wellington which will be fun! I’ll probs get blown away by the cultured city (ha ha ha dry kiwi pun I know I want to slap myself lol)

But since I can’t sleep I thought I’d write  new post lol.

So now I’m on mid-semester break, and it is a well needed break. I think I had so many stress breakdowns last week to the point where I nearly gave up 20% of my grade. But I had one piece of inspiration, FRIYAY!

So from that great segway, I went out on Friday. Had some drinks, not enough to get drunk but was a bit tipsy and then went out because I had anticipated it all week so I was committing. Even though the weather was complete and utter shit, I was COMMITTING. But it was quite the experience..

We originally had a squad of 4 coming, but 1 pulled out because she was bed sick (sadness) and then the other pulled out because of the weather. So we ended up going out as a pair, which btw I would not recommend. Originally, I wasn’t going to go out but then another friend said she’d meet me in town, she also flaked so since we were already in town we thought we’d commit.

There are different types of people in town, one type are dudes who want to get with anyone they see, and others who literally want to go out for a fun dance night. Which group are bigger? You tell me. So the friend that was bed sick, she’s always the one who gets all of the guys distracted which means that guys don’t hit on me which is great, because I really am never drunk enough to casually hook up with a guy because, I’m just not that kind of girl (yet lololol) so we got hit on, and it was v awkward.

Me being an awkward human, I was not drunk enough and he was not cute enough so in the middle of the dance/rave floor, I yelled to my friend (who btw was also struggling) “NEED TO PEE LETS GO” and gapped it.

I do not regret yelling that.

Though if I ever see them again it’ll be very awkward.

But that’s okay, they got away from this crazy awkward person hahaha.

So that was definitely an experience. And I don’t regret the night but I don’t think I’ll go out with less than 3 people again.

So now I need to sleep, because in like 5 hours I’m going to be picked up and driven to the airport (ofc I’ll be snoozing in the car) but I’LL LET YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT HOW WELLINGTON GOES!

Love youuuuu xx

-V

http://www.instagram.com/autumnNessa

21.08.16

You know that feeling when you meet someone and you literally feel like you’ve known each other for years? That happened at the start of the semester and it’s the weirdest yet best feeling ever.

One thing I’ve very much struggled with for most of my life but really noticed this year was making friends. I’m just a very awkward person who is really bad at keeping in contact with people. So I tend to make really good friends, then lose contact unless I see them every day or at least once a week. I also get too comfortable, if I know I’m going to see my friends every day for lunch at Uni, why make more friends? Why make friends when I’m going to spend my spare time with people that are already my friends?

But this semester things changed, I realised all of our timetables clashed, to the point where some of my friends I only see once a week. And I thought oh shit, going to either make some friends, or be a loner and study on my own during my breaks (which tbh is the smarter choice of the 2 lol). But then first day of my business paper (WHICH P.S IT’S A SHIT PAPER UNLESS YOU LIKE GROUP WORK, WELL THEN YOU’RE JUST WEIRD BUT UGH GROUP WORK) I met this girl, and we clicked like that!

I’ve literally known her for under a month and I feel like I’ve known her for years. She’s drunk called me (on multiple occasions), we’ve had midnight freak outs over not getting shit done, and we’ve had hour long phone conversations about life. It’s so weird. I don’t know how to describe it? I literally don’t know what I’d do without her because I rely on her for so much atm (mainly school but also to vent about shitty papers e.g infoSYS CRIIIIIIIIII) and I know it’s reciprocated because she constantly calls me when something happens when she could easily call her billion friends that she has.

End of story, she is a wonderful human, and it’s made me feel like I’ve become more social this semester! And I also thought that friendship quote that I’ve literally seen everywhere was a lie, but now I understand it!

Anyways signing off now, I wrote this instead of studying ha ha ha ha kms.

Love you all ❤

-V

http://www.instagram.com/autumnNessa

THIS IS MY REVIVAL

I’m just going to ignore the fact that I haven’t posted in nearly a year BUT I FELT LIKE RANDOMLY POSTING NOW OKAY LOL.

*and did anybody else sing revival from selena when reading the title or is it just me*

BUT ITS AUGUST 2016, and A LOT HAS CHANGED.

I personally, feel like I haven’t changed much but THINGS AROUND ME HAS CHANGED! I am now at UNIVERSITY, and also 19!!!!!! One year closer to 20 😥 but things are really exciting! University is both fun and absolutely stressful at the same time! I’m studying at the University of Auckland, doing a Bachelor of Commerce, majoring in Accounting and Commercial Law 🙂 And I’m currently loving it! (I think hahahaha tbh I have tests and assignments next week but I’m writing a post instead #priorities). Doing commerce at UoA is great! The only thing that ABSOLUTELY SUCKS is group work…but you get through it and you never have to see them again : D

PERSONAL UPDATE: I am now 19, and realising that I’m getting older faster than I am doing shit. I need to LIVE OUTSIDE OF THIS BUBBLE THAT I’VE CREATED FOR MYSELF. I need to BE MORE SPONTANEOUS, LIVE MORE WILDLY, LITERALLY BE A TEENAGER! Before I turn 20 and things get v serious HAHA.

I feel like what has really changed is the people I surround myself with. I have some new friends but I’ve also said bye bye to those that have made me feel like shit, but I just hadn’t noticed it until this year. Since I’ve surrounded myself with a smaller group of people who really do like and care for me (I think anyways lol) I’ve really just been more myself, more open, even more crazy, and just losing care for what people think of me and just living life 100%. I feel like I’m happier with myself which is something new because I think I lost myself last year.

GOALS: My #goalz is to really be more open, and take more risks. I’ve realised how much of a loser I am for not going out more, or doing crazy shit like staying out till 3AM, and disobeying my mothers orders etc. I feel like I need to live like a teenager before it’s all too late.

MY OTHER GOAL IS TO KEEP YOU GUYS MORE UPDATED! Tbh I don’t think anyone reads this but writing these posts is my way of journalising and my way of venting in life. I feel like now I’m not scared to post about personal issues and all because I don’t care so much to what people think of me now.

SO I WILL BE KEEPING YOU GUYS POSTED! It may be inconsistent but that’s just who I am 🙂 I’ll randomly surprise you all with random posts!

Love you heaps!

-V

SOCIAL MEDIAAAA:

http://www.instagram.com/autumnNessa

closure

Have you ever felt the need to not have closure?

This thought has been spiralling my brain as I finish high school in 3 weeks. After 13 years of school, I’m done. And I don’t feel like I’m going to miss this school one bit. I’m not going to miss this school because I’m sure as hell not going to miss some of the people. If I was the same person at the end of last year, yes I would miss school. But man, this year has been tough.

2015 really opened my perspectives on some people. The fact that they can just up and ditch you like its no big deal, is a big deal. Especially those closest too you. This year my lunch group went from 10, to 5. Yes it did hurt me more than I would ever admit (though you just admitted it dumbass). We’d all been friends (most of us at least) for about 2-3 years now. And suddenly 2-3 years of what I thought was friendship, was thrown away just like that. This really made me doubt myself, and really made me doubt the people around me. Were they just acting like we were friends? Or did they really just not like me? What did I do to them? Then it made me realise how shallow they could be. To throw our friendship away because of the company I had with me. They didn’t want to associate themselves with said company therefore went to hang out with others. Now I wouldn’t be so hurt about it if they had just said it to my face straight up. I hate being lied to. Dishonesty is the ugliest trait anyone could have.

And now we act like acquaintances. People ask me why I don’t tell people secrets or tell people anything personal about myself. Does this answer why I have insecurities about friendships and people in general? How can I trust someone who does this shit to me? How can I learn to trust people again?

So no, I don’t need closure with this school, with this life. I’m going off to live my own adventures, and they’re better off without them because why should I care when they don’t. And yes, they did ruin my year. The year that was meant to be the best one yet. The one that was meant to make me miss school. But all they’ve done is made me hate school, and made me feel the shittiest I’ve felt in a while.

So to quote a great boyband, “Bye bye bye” to all of the people who have made me feel like shit.

Though this year wasn’t all that bad..

Hope you didn’t all just hate me from this post. And sorry for all the serious honesty, needed to vent about this.

Love you all ❤ ❤

FOLLOW ME (not literally pls)

http://www.twitter.com/autumnNessa

http://www.instagram.com/autumnNessa

http://www.pinterest.com/autumnNessa (yes I started up on pinterest again)

-V

the 2 days and 2 nights holiday

Magical Mangawhai, it is seriously a magical place.

Just an hour and 10 minutes away from Auckland is this beautiful small town called Mangawhai, blessed with a beautiful surf beach and an amazing aura.

Just a couple of polaroids to show the natural beauty :)

I made an impromptu trip up to Mangawhai where one of my good friends has a bach (like a beach house but in NZ slang). She was already up there so another friend and I drove up together. This was exciting as it was our first road trip ever as we both just got our full licenses and were free teens! The drive up was both fun and relaxing. I highly recommend driving through the countryside in New Zealand as it’s really intriguing. Driving through the valleys and driving past cows that are shitting is only slightly disgusting but really makes you think about the nature that has just been placed right in front of us.

It’s funny how people would rather live in the city than in the countryside. Even staying up in Mangawhai, where it is just becoming commercialised and more suburban but still feels peaceful, and isolated. You see the odd child running up the street as it is our school holidays so most of the houses are occupied by families that escape to their baches over the holidays. The best part about Mangawhai is that I don’t see anyone that I know, so it’s quite literally a holiday that’s only just over an hour away, and has the most minimal costs.

But it was paradise. It was just what I needed to clear my brain.

And thank god I evened out my terrible tan lines I’d developed over winter.

If you are living in New Zealand or just visiting, I recommend visiting the small towns just like Mangawhai 🙂

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA!

http://www.twitter.com/autumnNessa

http://www.instagram.com/autumnNessa

Love you all ❤

-V